Friday, July 29, 2016

The 11 Year Lapse(Discount Deal)

   "Let no one who loves be called altogether unhappy. Even love unreturned has its rainbow."
                                                               - J. M. Barrie, The Little Minister




“Do you always show up early to your appointments?” the receptionist asked Lou after she was done talking on the phone. “Some people who have meetings with Mr. Wallace do show up five minutes before the scheduled time, but I rarely notice when they do. Mostly people show up late because of the LA traffic, so they say. I don’t mean anything by it, but arriving here twenty minutes early in Hollywood is - I must say - quite a rarity. I hope I’m not bothering you, Mr. Eyvind. It’s just that I’m curious.” 
     Sitting in a comfortable black leather couch, with an open paperback copy of the novel An American Tragedy by Theodore Dreiser, Lou stared at the lady, amused by her interest in his own principles. 
     He said, “Well, like my father said, ‘It’s better to be early than right on time, because being prompt makes you better at controlling your life.’” Lou paused to think for a moment, then continued. “My father would show up to his job two hours before he started, taking a nap in his car. He did that for almost forty years.” 
     “Wow, you had a one-of-a-kind role model, Mr. Eyvind,” the receptionist said. 
     “Honestly, I didn’t heed his advice until I started writing my novel,” Lou admitted. “Before then I spent most of my twenties wasting away my time partying. You know, drinking booze, smoking pot, fornication, and browsing the assortment of illicit drugs available in America.”
     The receptionist smiled, giggling gleefully as if a hidden secret were revealed too her.
     She said, “Sounds like a great subject for your next book. A kind of memoir.” 
     “Maybe one day, but not for a while,” Lou said, without any hint of pride. 
     “Mr. Eyvind, since I have the time—.”
     Lou put up a hand to interrupt her, and said, “Please, call me ‘Lou.’” 
     “Not ‘Ludwig’?” she asked. 
     “My friends call me ‘Lou.’ It’s what I prefer over ‘Ludwig’ - in private, that is. My literary agent told me it’d be more professional to use my full first name on the book cover. I wanted ‘Lou’ printed on it, but my agent is extremely staunch when it comes to publicity and image. He won.” 
     “But ‘Ludwig’ is such a unique name,” the receptionist said. “I don’t personally know anyone who has that name.” 
     “Do you know anyone named ‘Elvis?’’ Lou inquired.
     “No.” 
     “Exactly. My work will never be as influential as those of the kings of music.” 
     “Don’t be so modest,” the receptionist said. “I beg to differ.” 
     The lady opened a drawer in her desk, reached inside, then lifted up a hardback copy of the novel For Once by Ludwig Eyvind. 
     She said, “This is in my top ten list of the best books I’ve ever read. As I was trying to say earlier, since I have the time - being that you’re early, and I haven’t received a call yet - can you please sign my copy?” 
     This made Lou smile, running his hand through his hair - more embarrassed than elated.
     “Of course, ma’am,” he said, standing up from the couch, and taking out a pen from his black jean short’s pocket. “What’s your name?”
     “Carolyn Lozano,” she informed, placing the novel on the counter of the reception desk, opening it to the title page. “Lozano is spelled—.”
     “I know how to spell it. I’m half-Mexican, you know.” 
     “Oh, yeah, that’s right, of course. And your other half is, um, Russian, right?”
     As he signed his name in the book, Lou chuckled at her guess. He said, “Close. My father was born in Norway.” 
     “I see the reason why you’re tall.”
     Lou handed the copy of his first published novel back to Carolyn. 
     He said, “Well, I do know a Mexican who’s taller than me.” 
     “Thank you so much, Mr.- Oh, sorry. Thank you, Lou.” 
     “Anytime, Carolyn.” Lou turned to sit back down on the couch. 
     “I’ll remind Mr. Wallace that you’re here,” Carolyn said, about to press a button on the phone. 
     “No need, Ms. Lozano, I’m already here,” a man said, entering from an adjacent hallway. 
     Lou turned to look upon the man he had come to meet: Terrence Wallace. A thirty-something film producer credited to over twenty movies. He was a spectacled individual, wearing a burgundy long sleeve shirt, stained bluejeans, and had on a pair of sneakers. For a second, Lou found his look to be a bit awkward, but then realized formal attire was no longer a requirement with today’s Hollywood standards. Especially for a person as successful as Terrence Wallace; he could dress in any manner he damn well pleased, being he had been honored with two oscars so far in his career. 
     He stepped up to Lou, extending his hand. 
     “It’s a pleasure to finally meet you in person, Mr. Eyvind,” Terrence greeted. 
     “And you as well, Mr. Wallace,” Lou said, shaking Terrence’s hand. “Please, you can call me ‘Lou.’” 
     “That’s what he likes to be called in private,” Carolyn said.
     Terrence looked over at her staring down at Lou’s autograph inside her copy of For Once, running her fingertip on the paper’s surface where the red ink formed his name. 
     The phone rang at her desk, and she answered it immediately. 
     “Yes,” Lou said. 
     Terrence turned his head to look back at Lou before him.
     Lou continued, “That’s what my friends call me. ‘Ludwig’ is kind of my stage name, you could say, though it really is my birth name.” 
     Terrence chuckled, then said, “That’s cool, man. You can call me ‘Terrence’ from now on. Only the people who work for me call me ‘Mr. Wallace.’” 
     “Mr. Wallace is in a meeting at the moment, Mr. Reynolds,” Carolyn said into the phone’s headset. “I can have him call you back, or you can leave him a message.” 
     “Welcome to Vela Films, Lou,” Terrence said. “Please follow me to my office.” 
     Lou followed Terrence down the hallway the producer had just entered from. 
     As they made their way, Lou heard sounds of the buzzing activity of a big Hollywood Film company office: phones ringing, people talking fast as if they were either hyped up on too much caffeine or just did a few lines of cocaine, printers printing almost nonstop, copy machines copying nonstop. They entered a big open room with cubicles in the middle, offices on the sides, and a conference room with a glass wall enclosing it. There were four people inside it having a meeting. Young people, who barely looked twenty years old, were running all about the room - from office to office, from cubicle to office - delivering lunch, or paperwork. One young lady coming towards Lou and Terrence came to a complete stop when she came upon their immediate vicinity, backing into a wall as they passed by her. 
     “Good job, intern,” Terrence said.
     Lou glimpsed at her and saw that she stood still, one hand flat against the wall she had backed into, and holding a stack of paperwork tightly against her chest with one arm. He noticed she looked away from his direction as they went along - avoiding their faces, he guessed. He had once seen that kind of thing in a comedy movie, but the joke was obviously based on a fact. 
     Terrence said, “The kids do a wonderful job here. They got a real future in the film business.” 
     They arrived at the end of the big room to the main office - Terrence’s office. It was the first time Lou had been in such a place so much resembling a beehive; he already was starting to get a headache. 
     “That’s Sheila, my assistant,” Terrence said, pointing to a lady sitting at the biggest desk in the whole room. 
     She gave Lou a wave, saying, “Hello, Mr. Eyvind.” 
     “You can call me ‘Lou,’ ma’am,” Lou said. 
     The fortyish, brunette lady gave Lou a happy grin at being referred to in such a gentlemanly manner. 
     “Would you like anything, Lou?” Terrence asked, opening the door to his office. “A drink? A donut? Maybe a sandwich? The intern’s here get you anything quicker than a snap of your fingers.” 
     “That depends on which intern,” Sheila informed. 
     “Sheila, give Kevin a break, he’s still so young. He skipped college to work for me.” 
     “That’s the problem, Terrence. If the boy had gone, he’d be more organized.” 
     “Sheila is still old-fashioned,” Terrence said to Lou. “Anyways, you want anything?” 
     “No, I’m good,” Lou said, “thank you.”
     “Alrighty then, come on in.” Terrence entered his office, holding the door open as Lou followed him through the threshold. “Have a seat.” He then closed the door. 
     Lou took a seat in a cushioned black leather chair in front of Terrence’s desk. 
     “We won’t be interrupted, I assure you,” Terrence said as he walked around his desk, and sat in his chair. 
     Lou looked behind the man through the floor-to-ceiling window at the view. 
     “It looks nice out there from here, Terrence,” Lou commented. 
     “Even with all that smog, it looks beautiful,” Terrence said. “Are you enjoying LA so far?” 
     “Yes, I am,” Lou replied. “I mean, I’ve been here before when I was on the promotional tour for my book, but not long enough to have a look around and visit the sights.” 
     “You know, to be honest,” Terrence began to say, “after living here for nearly twenty years, I don’t know of the ‘sights’ in Los Angeles other than the Hollywood sign, Disneyland, Universal Studios, and the sunset strip.”
     “Don’t forget the Hollywood Walk of Fame,” Lou reminded Terrence. 
     “Oh, yeah. Who could forget a bunch of names on a sidewalk?” Terrence seemed unimpressed by the idea. He asked, “So you got any plans after we’re done with our meeting here?” 
     “Yep,” Lou replied. “I’m hanging out with an old high school buddy of mine who lives out here. He’s an actor. He also a part-time personal trainer at Gold Bodies Gym.” 
     “What’s his name?” Terrence asked. “Has he been in anything I’ve seen?”
     “His name’s Hanz Ramado. And I don’t know if he’s had any speaking parts in a film or television show yet. Just has been an extra, or maybe a stand-in.” 
     “Really? His name’s ‘Hanz Ramado?’” Terrence tilted his head forward, raising his brow, not believing a person could really be born with that name. 
     “Well, that’s his stage name,” Lou informed. “His real name is ‘Henry Johnson.’”
     “What’s wrong with that name? Sounds like a strong male, father-figure type of name for an actor.” 
     “His nickname in school was ‘Hairy Johnson.’” 
     “Oh, shit,” Terrence said, “now that I know that fact then ‘Hanz Ramado’ actually sounds cool. But I must say, with a name like ‘Hairy Johnson,’ he could’ve been a really big porn star.” 
     “Then I guess you could say he’s got something to fall back on,” Lou said. “Anyways, after he had had enough with that nickname, he began working out the last two years in high school, and got so big and muscly, no one fucked with him again. I can’t wait to see him. It’s been like seven years since last I saw the dude.” 
     “So you two going to party at a club, or something?”
     “I told him to surprise me.”
     “Cool, cool. So shall we get down to business, Lou?” 
     “Yes.”
     “So your literary agent told me over the phone that you wanted to negotiate with me personally about Vela Films optioning your novel.” 
     “That’s correct,” Lou said with a slight nod. 
     “This is actually the first time I’ve had a meeting with an author regarding the cost of optioning their work for a film adaptation,” Terrence admitted. “And I have to say, Lou, it makes me a little nervous.” 
     “Why would it make you nervous?” 
     “You have to understand that at this point in the production process when it comes to adapting another artist’s work - which he or she may have spent years working on - is really a delicate period that can make or break the making of the film. I mean, almost every producer in the movie industry has had their production scrapped based on the moment between you and I right now. I’ve dealt only with agents when an option was taken from me, and then given to some other company. Never have I dealt with the actual author. I don’t think any producer does. But here you are, sitting right in front of me, in my office. It’s a bit intimidating.” 
     “Bullshit, man,” Lou said, tilting his head back, chuckling in disbelief. “You’re Terrence Wallace, man. There’s not one film buff I know who doesn’t know your name. You got what? Like four oscars-.”
     “Two,” Terrence corrected, holding up two fingers. 
     “Okay, two golden boys,” Lou continued, “And what is the total box office of all your films?”
     “I don’t like to get into the financials-.” 
     “Almost 7 billion,” Lou stated. “I Googled it. And you’re telling me that you’re intimidated by an author who’s first novel only made it to number four on the New York Times bestsellers list.”
     “Yes,” Terrence confessed. “It’s just that I really want to adapt your novel.”
     “I want you to do it, Terrence. And I’m not here to get in the way. I’m here to guarantee this production goes forward more smoothly. I just want you to know that I’m here with lube and no condemn, because I want you and I to make a fucking baby.” 
     “How do you propose we lube up the commencement of the film’s production?” Terrence asked, amused by Lou comparing filmmaking to fornication. 
     “I’m going to make you an offer you can’t refuse,” Lou said in his best Marlon Brando impression. “Wait, let change the wording. I’m going to make you an offer that’ll make you want to blow me right here in your office.”
     “I would do that,” Terrence said as a matter of fact. “I’m bisexual, you know.” 
     “I’m speaking metaphorically, Terrence. Don’t get excited.”
     “It’s Hollywood, man.” 
     “I understand that, but enough with the sexual metaphors, let’s move on. Let me ask you this: with a novel as successful as mine, what would be the usual cost you’d offer to option it? Please, do be honest.”  
     From the perception of Terrence, this situation was not only informal, it was basically abnormal; never before had he had a face-to-face, private meeting with a novelist regarding negotiations over the optioning of their work. Most author’s he knew were reclusive types, never bothering to even consider coming to Hollywood, only leaving their agents to do all the leg work, or making the phone calls. 
     “Well, usually I’d be talking prices with agents,” he told Lou, “but since you’re here to do that instead yourself, I’ll write down my offer on a piece of paper, and slide it over to you face down. Old School.” 
     “We’re not in a restaurant, man,” Lou said, “you can just say it.” 
     “No, Lou, let’s have fun with this.” Terrence looked around at the top of his desk for a post-it, or a sheet of computer paper. There wasn’t any. He said, “Hold on a second, I’ll just find myself some paper.” He opened all his desk drawers, finding nothing to use. “Give me a piece of paper, Lou? I seem to be a conservationist. Paper is murder.” 
     “I don’t have any paper,” Lou admitted. 
     “Don’t all writers carry a pen and notepad?”
     “The thing about me, Terrence, is that I don’t like to write in public. So, no, I’m unable to supply you. How about you text me the offer?” 
     “Okay, good way not to waste paper,” Terrence said. “God bless twenty-first century technology. I have your cell number, anyways.” 
     “You do?” Lou said, surprised.
     “Yeah.” Terrence reached into his jean’s front pocket to retrieve his cellphone. “Got it from your literary agent. I get everyone’s contact information I do business with.” 
     Lou took out his cellphone, saying, “Wish Ray told me that.” 
     “You ready?” Terrence asked, about to start typing the text on his cellphone. 
     Lou nodded. 
     Terrence keyed in the amount, then pressed SEND. 
     Lou’s phone gave out the ding sound to indicate he had just received a text message. 
     “So, do you like what you see?” Terrence queried, placing his phone on the desk, then put a hand to his chin, leaned an elbow on his desk, waiting for a reaction patiently. 
     After staring at the dollar figure amount in the text message, Lou looked up at Terrence with a confident smirk on his face, then lowered his gaze back upon the screen of his cellphone, and began typing in a reply. 
     What was going through Terrence’s mind were thoughts about how this hot, newly successful young author was going to commence negotiating - via text messaging - on a higher rate for an option, then a three figure deal in selling the film rights, and more points on royalties from the box office return than Terrence expected. This fucking kid was about to take Vela Films for a few million so he could buy some “pussy-magnet” cars, a big fucking house on a big fucking plot of land, and maybe enough money to hire a ghost writer to get another big seller under his fucking name. 
     Fucking shit-stain hack, Terrence thought. 
     His spiteful thoughts were interrupted when his phone’s little speaker gave out the sound of a bubble popping to indicate he had just received a text message. He looked down at his phone’s screen to see this: All for 1 dollar. Under 3 conditions that must be met.
     At first Terrence began nodding with a grin on his face, somewhat entertained at what he was looking at. Obviously he thought Lou was joking, but when he looked up at the novelist, he saw him staring back at him with his eyebrows raised, slowly nodding his head. 
     “No, Terrence, I’m not joking,” Lou said, holding up one hand with the index finger stiffly extended upward. “Just one dollar, under three conditions.” 
     “Bull-fucking-shit,” Terrence blurted. 
     “No, man,” Lou said, slowly shaking his head assuringly. “This is no fucking lie. I want you to know that I want the film adaptation of my novel to happen, and to help boost the guarantee it will come to fruition, I’m aiding you and your production budget to save a junk of dough.” 
     There was a moment of silence as Terrence’s facial expression was that of unbelieving shock; his eyes wide open, gazing at Lou, jaw dropped - almost touching his chest due to his head tilting forward as if he were incapable of holding it up at that moment - and his tongue slightly sticking out of his mouth, laying over the bottom lip. 
     When he finally came out of the momentary paralysis, Terrence said, “Like no other author currently living on this planet would do such a thing.”
     “I know of one,” Lou said. 
     “Yeah, so do I. Stephen-fucking-King. And you know why he sells the movie rights to his top-of-the-charts bestsellers?” Terrence didn’t allow Lou the time to answer. “Because he’s got over two hundred million - and counting - just from his book sales alone. The man doesn’t need Hollywood money.” 
     “Well, he does have control on how the movies are made,” Lou informed. “I do not plan on doing such a thing.” 
     “But you said here there are three conditions,” Terrence reminded, gesturing at his cellphone. “Stephen King has the same number of conditions.” 
     “Like what?” Lou inquired. 
     “Um, script approval, Director approval, and if he so desires, whether the adaptation ends up being just a film, or a series on fucking television. That goddamn genius Kubrick fucked it all up for the rest of Hollywood when he pissed off the King.” 
     “That’s fucked up,” Lou said. “Look, Terrence, I have as much respect for the art of cinema as I do for any other art medium. Music, comics, paintings, you name it. All are within there own domain of artistic integrity.” 
     What Lou said didn’t seem to give Terrence a revival of confidence. The film producer put both hands over his face, and propped both elbows on his desk. 
     “So what are these three conditions?” he asked from behind his hands. 
     Lou leaned forward in the chair, and said, “Terrence, look at me.” 
     “Just say what you want,” Terrence responded. 
     “Seriously, Terrence, look at me.” When Terrence didn’t say a word, Lou restated, slowly and clearly, “Look..at…me.”
     Terrence lowered his away from over his face, giving out a stressful sigh, looking directly at Lou with half-open eyes. 
     “I have no desire for a smidgen of creative control over the making of the film. The conditions do not impede the filmmaker’s vision, like at all.” Lou gave Terrence an affirming grin.
     “Condition one,” Lou began, “I want to be present as the screenplay is being written. I’ll be with him, or her with every line written, every draft completed, as a consultant. If the screenwriter has a question, I’ll be there to answer it. This condition does not include final script approval. I’ll leave that up to you. End of condition one. Second condition: I want to be on set everyday of principal photography. As with condition one, I’m there simply as a consultant. If the director, an actor, or anyone else has a question for me, I’ll be happy to answer it. If anyone feels my presence to be any kind hindrance, too fucking bad. I’ll decide whether to leave, or stay during a scene. How do you feel about the first two conditions, Terrence?” 
     The producer leaned back in his chair, the tips of his thumb and fingers touching each other in front of his face. 
     “Not bad at all, Lou,” Terrence said, almost relieved. “I assure you, those conditions will happen. Now, third times a charm. What’s the third condition? Let me guess, a part in the movie for a Mr. Hanz Ramado.” 
     Lou burst out laughing. He waved a hand at the notion. 
     “No,” Lou said when he got ahold of himself. “He’ll have to audition like every other struggling, up-and-coming actor.” 
     “Nonetheless, I’ll keep him in mind when casting begins,” Terrence said. 
     “If you wish, man. Honestly, I think my friend Hanz is better suited to play one of the muggers. Don’t tell him I said that. Anyways, condition number three: I want someone I know in the film business hired for a position on the film crew.” 
     “What position would that be?” Terrence inquired. 
     “The eyes of the editor during principal photography,” Lou said. 
     “The cinematographer?”
     “No, the script supervisor,” Lou corrected. 
     “Wow, talk about a random request. That position isn’t even in the opening credits. Has the person worked on a feature film before?” 
     “Yes, but only independent films with shoe-string budgets so far, and a few short films. Some commercials too. I must admit, Terrence, this is the most important condition.” 
     “It’s no problem, Lou. You’ve already helped me so much with lowering the film’s budget, it would be my pleasure to appease you. What’s the dude’s name you want hired as script supervisor?” 
     “Her,” Lou corrected. “Her name is Julie. Julie Mannett. You can look her up on your phone. She’s got a website with her resume, and video footage of projects she’s worked on. Also she’s got a file on IMDb.”
     “I’ll google her right now,” Terrence said, picking up the cellphone off the desk. 
     “Her website’s juliemannett-dot-net,” Lou informed, “not dot-com. You can find a link to the IMDb profile.” 
     “You know, Lou, this isn’t the first time I’ve looked up a resume before hiring someone to work for me,” Terrence said as he typed up Julie’s name on his phone. 
     “Sorry, Terrence. Just trying to be helpful.” 
     Lou sat back in the chair, waiting as Terrence browsed through the Google Search results on the cellphone’s touchscreen. In a bout of foreboding anticipation, the author watched the film producer’s finger stroke the touchscreen’s surface, thinking for a moment that maybe he was making a mistake offering this sort of deal. It wasn’t about the money he was losing out on, it was the fact that this third condition could cause a kind of controversy, possibly ruining his reputation, and Julie’s as well. 
     When he felt he had to say something to Terrence before anything went further, these words came to his mind: A leap of faith is all it takes for personal growth, and not only in the spiritual sense, but the most important one of them all, emotional.
     The words from Lou’s deceased cousin calmed him down, extinguishing his stressful thoughts at that moment. Louisa had always come to his mind with her words of wisdom at the most appropriate moments. 
     “Here she is,” Terrence said, tapping his cellphone’s touchscreen. 
     A tingling sensation went from the base of Lou’s spine to the back of his head. A feeling of nervous excitement he had not felt for nearly a decade, not since the moment he first looked upon the beautiful girl who would eventually take his virginity. There was no going back, the deal was done; he knew it. 
     “Julie’s website has got a good set up,” Terrence commented, eyes still on the cellphone. “Now I’ll have a look at her resume. That’s nice, she went to NYU’s Tisch School of the Arts. A lot of their alumni have gone on to do excellent work.” 
     “Like Scorsese,” Lou put in. 
     Terrence looked up at Lou. He said, “Yeah, I know.”
     “Sorry,” Lou said. 
     Terrence looked back down at his cellphone, his thumb recommencing to stroke the touchscreen. 
     “How do you know her?” he inquired. 
     “We went to the same high school,” Lou said. 
     “Victory High School in Concord, Massachusetts, correct?” Terrence said. “It’s listed on her resume.” 
     “Yes,” Lou replied. He then raised his hands a little, both forming the rock n’ roll horns, saying, “Go Lionhearts.” 
     “I see here a list of a few short films,” Terrence began to say, “two music videos, three independent feature films I’ve never heard of, and - now this is cool - two iPhone commercials. That’s an impressive resume.” 
     “The feature films don’t impress you as much as a cellphone commercial?” Lou asked, a bit bewildered.
     Terrence looked up at him, and said, “Hey, I’ve never seen these little films, but I’ve seen these commercials.” He looked back at his cellphone. “I’m gonna send her an email right now with the offer for the position.” 
     “Don’t inform her I recommended her, please,” Lou said. 
     “Why?” Terrence asked as he began typing the email with his thumbs. 
     “Because it just seems inappropriate.” 
     “I’ll let you in on something, Lou. In this town, in this business, to get one’s foot in the door with the bigwigs, someone you know has to open the door, especially to those with a profession such as script supervisor. Otherwise it takes a lot more than just a few independent films made with shoestring budgets. If she accepts, which is most likely, you are the one who just boosted her career. But, as you wish, I will not tell her who opened the door.”
     “Thank you, Terrence.”
     “The email has been sent. Now on to our business. I’ll have Sheila come in here to write up the contract for you to sign over the film rights. I actually have a dollar in my wallet. She’ll have to write up a receipt as well.”
     Terrence pressed a button on his desk phone. 
     He said, “Sheila, I need you to come in here to type up the film rights contract.” He then released the button.
     Sheila’s voice came from the phone’s speaker. 
     She said, “I already typed it up, and made a copy. All Mr. Eyvind has to do is sign it.”
     Terrence pressed the button again, and said, “It has to be amended. Actually the whole thing has to be redrafted. All the wording has to be changed.” 
     “Motherfucker!,” she blurted. “You know, I got shit to do.” 
     “It can wait. I’ll let you go home early, okay. Please come right on in.” 
     “Fine.” 
     Terrence looked at Lou with a bright, gleeful smile. He said, “She’s the best. I can’t live without her.”
     The door opened. Sheila entered looking grumpy. 
     She said, “Alright, what’s got to be changed?” 
     Terrence got up off his chair, stepping from behind his desk. 
     “Please, have a seat at my desk, Sheila. Something wonderful has happened.” 
     Sitting at Terrence’s desk, Sheila said, “Yeah, I get to go home early and fuck my husband before he gets too drunk to get his fat ass off the lazy-boy.” 
     “Lou here is signing over the film rights to his novel for only one dollar,” Terrence said.
     Sheila shot a shocked expression at Lou, eyes wide, brow raised.
     “A dollar,” she said. “Who do you think you are, Stephen-fucking-King?” 
     “And do you know why he’s doing it?” Terrence said.
     Both the producer and his assistant stared at the uncomfortable author, who felt like he was shrinking into the chair. He desperately needed a double shot of Wild Turkey.
     “Why?” Sheila asked. 
     “To win back the heart of his ex-girlfriend from all the way back in high school,” Terrence said, crossing his arms over his chest. 
     His cellphone emitted the sound of a bubble popping. He looked down at the screen in his hand. 
     “She’s already replied to my email,” he said. “Hopefully she accepted the script supervisor position for the movie.” 
     Sheila erupted with an astonishing gasp, then said, “That’s so romantic. Usually a guy like Mr. Eyvind would want to hook up with an actress, but to win back an ex-girlfriend who happens to work in film is so…lovely. I wish I met my husband like that, all he did was get me pregnant.”
     Lou couldn’t take this embarrassment by misunderstanding anymore. 
     “First off, you two,” he began to say, “call me Lou, not Mr. Eyvind, please. Second, she’s no ex-girlfriend of mine. Julie is simply an old high school acquaintance I just so happen to know who works in film, and I’m just helping her out by getting her a job on a bigger production to boost her opportunities.”
     “So she’s an old friend who you had a crush on, and she kept it in the friend-zone,” Terrence assumed. “And you were too shy to say anything at the time. Now that you’re successful, you want to be reacquainted to see if there can be any romantic fire started.” 
     “That’s even more romantic,” Sheila said. “I’m even getting butterflies in my stomach, Lou.” 
     “That’s not even true,” Lou said.
     “Then what’s the truth, Lou?” Terrence asked. “This is a dollar we’re talking about. No one in this industry does such a thing unless they’re on the Fortune five hundred list.” 
     Lou took a moment to breathe, putting his head back, staring at the ceiling, then looked back at the two looking back at him with curious eyes. 
     “Okay, fine,” Lou said. “This never leaves this room, promise me.”
     “Cross our hearts,” Terrence and Sheila said in unison. 
     “The second guess was close, but not entirely factual,” Lou said. “Julie and I were in the same circle of friends. I did have a crush on her. To tell you the truth I don’t think her and I ever had a private conversation. That’s all I’ll say about it, okay. End of subject, lets move on.” 
     “She accepted the job,” Terrence said, reading the email on his cellphone. 
     “Really?” Lou blurted, with a hint of excitement, almost stiffening in his chair, but then immediately regained his composure. “I mean, really? That’s cool. I’m happy to have helped her, and the budget for your movie. I just want to add, Terrence, it’s just a coincidence she’s working on the adaptation of my novel.” 
     “Then why are you blushing?” Sheila asked. 
     “You know,” Terrence said, “if this got out to the press, it would be the best kind of publicity for the movie. Free publicity. I can see it now: ‘For Once, a film about a man’s odyssey through America to find his true love. Adapted from a novel written by a man in his own quest to attain the heart of a love that could’ve been - would’ve been if he had just said the words - by the making of this movie.’”
     “Uh, no,” Lou said. 
     “Julie gave me her number,” Terrence informed. “Want to talk to her?” 
     “No.”
     “She stated in the email that she loved the book, and that she knew you in high school.”
     “OH-EM-GEE! She remembers thee,” Sheila shrieked. “It’s like Shakespearian.” 
     Lou looked at both of them blankly, feeling a little irritated. 
     “Let’s just get this over with, you two,” he said, deadpan. “I can’t wait to be apart of the production.” 
     “Sheila, commence writing up the new contract,” Terrence said. 
     “Yes, sir,” she said, turning to Terrence’s computer, starting up a new file on it. “I’m so excited.” 
     “Thank God for true love,” Terrence said, “it’s saved me a shitload of money.” 
     He then took out his wallet, extricated a one dollar bill, and handed it to Lou. 

       

Sunday, July 17, 2016

SOC #34: The Attitude of Chaos

When people ask me whether I believe in God or not, I simply reply: "No." Now when I give that answer to the person asking me the question I'm only referring to the character in the Books, because I view the character of "Him" as a metaphor for the Universe in its entirety: all its happenings and occurrences within it, whether it be expected or unexpected. The big difference between the character God in the Books and the Universe is the simple fact that the Universe has no conscience, and to me that is one damn cool miracle because it took unconscious actions, happenings, and occurrences resulting into the consequence of life forming on this planet, whether that life be an immobile plant, or a wandering organism that moves around the planet. One of these organisms is us, the human species, which as far as we know is the only mobile species to create things through imagination, and our desire to survive and strive to discover the undiscovered - though in this era in human history it seems there are less people who want to do such a thing - and not only that, we're the only species who think critically, and desire to communicate with others who we at first don't understand - again, in this era in human history, there seem to be less people who desire to do such a thing. Humans always seem to question things: The meaning of life; our purpose here on Earth; how to make life better etc. etc. - all resulting in more creations that are either loved, or hated. Example: Pokemon Go. Everyone, no matter what age they are, seem to love the new game, a game that finally gets the Lazy to go outside and find the Pokemon, acquiring a hire status on their profile. The downside to this is people aren't going outside to nature, they're going outside to find cartoon characters that are only on their phone, resulting in two deaths within a week of its release, a 12 year old girl finding a dead body, people getting robbed, and someone finding a poison gas Pokemon in a Holocaust museum. First off, forget the questions on the purpose of life, and the miracles of the Universe, let me ask society this: Why the FUCK! are you playing the game in a Holocaust museum? Who cares if the Pokemon character was an inappropriate one for such a spot? It was inappropriate to be playing the damn game at such a place. "Hey, everyone, lets go to the epicenter of the Atom bomb dropped on Hiroshima. It's a great hotspot for Pokemon with the strongest powers." Or how about this: "There's a Pokemon that blows itself up at the 9/11 museum in New York. That's the most rarest of them all. POKEMON GO!" These fucking stupid, GODDAMN MOTHER-- Well, sometimes humanity has its setbacks. Where was I? Uh, I forgot. Oh, yes, the Universe with its unconscious actions resulting in the conscious life, which is us, the human race. Though most of us are conscious, we're living our own personal lives according to others who say how we should live it, which doesn't make us conscious. Shit, I was trying to write something meaningful, and with purpose to enlighten and give people hope and faith, and now I got a damn headache. Seriously, humanity is not going to make it to the status of Star Trek, because we live in a world where we made it to the Moon a few times, then stopped going, then ultimately forgot we made it that far, and haven't done much since, other than launching more satellites to make the signals on our cellphones stronger, and sending probes to Mars to collect fucking dirt and rocks to find out bacteria use to exist there. To prove what, that Martians had STDs too?

Saturday, May 14, 2016

The Crazy between Us(Lady Gargoyle)

What the Meth-induced psychosis suffering driver of the Bronco referred to as the “red Gargoyle” was actually a red Honda Civic driven by a young lady named Lola Kirklan who happened to be in a fragile emotional state at the time. She was not having a good holiday season; her boyfriend of the past four years had just broken off their relationship for no discernible reason. They were the best, most happiest, joyful, and uplifting years of her life. It had been her first real romantic and intimate relationship, one with a future to look forward to, without a doubt. And within days of the massacre at Zion Fraternity, it was over. 
    “Having had such an experience with the close brush with death,” he had said, “made me gain a new perspective on what I am doing with my life, in what direction I’m going, where I’m going to end up.” 
    “What are you telling me?” Lola had asked. “You want to change your career goals, or something? That’s okay with me, I’ll support you no matter what you want to do with the rest of your life.” 
    “It’s not that, Lola. I don’t want to change my life goals.” He looked away from her loving gaze, and said, “I want to change who I’m with while achieving them. It’s over between us, Lola.” 
    And without changing a beat, he got up off her bed and left the room. 
    For almost ten minutes Lola sat still on the edge of her bed, feet flat on the carpet, her mouth agape, and her throat making crackling sounds as if she were about to say something, but couldn’t form a word. 
    Later that evening she tried calling his cellphone, but went straight to voicemail. She left a message demanding an explanation about the reasons which lead him to end their seemingly almost perfect relationship. She then sent text message after text message demanding answers, cussing him out, and making statements like: “You said you weren’t even in the FUCKING house when the shooting started, PUSSY!” 
    A week later Lola was walking through the Cal Poly campus when she saw him strolling on the lawn under the shadows of trees, holding a girl’s hand. The girl had long, blond, flowing hair that reached just above her skinny ass, wore a tight, white tank-top with thin straps that fully exposed cleavage from her big, balloon boobs. The slut was the complete opposite of Lola. 
    So after finishing the semester pissed off, Lola decided not to spend winter break with her mother, but go on a driving trip north by herself. Her mother was a lovely woman, yes, but Lola wasn’t quite ready to hear the “plenty of fish in the sea” speech. She packed her suitcase, bought half a dozen pre-made sandwiches and two bottles of organic apple juice, put them in a small cooler, then got in her 2008 red Honda Civic, heading north on Highway 101 with no idea where she was going to end up; maybe just stop somewhere that would be quiet. 
    The moment she was getting onto 101, the white Bronco screeched out the driveway of the Lopez estate, making its way to the same highway. 
    Lola turned on the Pandora radio to soft music that wasn’t too uplifting, nor too sad; she loved honest music - especially if it fit with her current situation. At first the song that started playing made her tear up. The moment she was about to weep she took deep breaths, wiping away her tears with the sleeve of the knitted sweater she was wearing. 
    “There’s no fucking way he’s making me cry anymore,” Lola said aloud. “Motherfucking bastard wants sluts with STD’s. Go right ahead, you two-headed bastard.” 
    She then began growling and baring her teeth as the image of him and that skank-whore went through her mind. Then the thought of running in on them while they slept in bed, and beating them to death with a baseball bat gave her some pleasure, making her grin. 
    The disturbing, happy thought was interrupted when the white Bronco clipped the side of her car as it sped passed. 
    Lola screamed, the sudden impact sending a shock throughout her entire body. For a moment she thought the car was going to spin out of control, but the impact merely made the car sway a bit in the left lane, allowing her to gain control again. 
    Her fear turned to anger in an instant when she saw the white Bronco that swiped the side of her car, noticing the male figures inside. It kept speeding down the highway without slowing down. 
    Typical men, she thought, with total disregard for the safety of those around them. They’re probably heading to Portland to screw a heroin addicted prostitute with herpes for their winter break vacation, only to come back afterwards to their girlfriends who they’ll inadvertently, stupidly pass along said STD to. 
    While this thought was going through her mind, Lola stepped on the gas peddle, eyes widening, hands gripping the steering wheel almost as if she wanted to break it off. Due to her speeding up over a hundred miles an hour to catch up with the white Bronco, she didn’t notice one of the many cop cars gaining behind her in the right lane. She lost all sense of self-preservation as her red Honda Civic caught up with the Bronco that was still in the right lane. She veered slightly to the left onto the shoulder, then turned the steering wheel sharply to the right, aiming the front end of her car at the back end of the Bronco. 
    The red Honda Civic collided hard into the Bronco, causing the front wheels to lift off of the pavement, its smashed bumper pointing upwards at an angle for a mere second as it turned and rolled to the side of the road. Inside, as it tumbled, Lola roared like a bear about to maul a predator threatening her cub, tensed up, both hands still grasping the steering wheel. 
    The Honda Civic rolled a total of three times, teetered on the two right wheels before settling right-side up. 
    At the end of the day an officer wrote in his report that when he arrived to the scene of the red Honda Civic wreck, he found the driver’s door open, and laying on her back in the dirt was a fully conscious Lola Kirklan, grimacing in pain. 
    “Wow, I can’t believe you’re alive, ma’am,” the officer had said looking down at Lola. 

    “Fuck men’s beliefs,” she said. 

Sunday, April 10, 2016

The Crazy between Us(Bitch of a past)

One year earlier 

This was at a point in Gilbert’s life when his mind had been cleansed of apathy, after a period of reconsidering goals he had set for himself and Blair. The job at the bookstore, where Blair worked as well, was great support, keeping them afloat while they set forth on their endeavors. A mistake Gilbert had made months earlier had spiritually jolted him away out of his marijuana haze, not that his time with the wonders of nature’s medicinal herb debilitated his potential, but the fact it played a major role in distracting him from writing had been a major problem. Plus it was part of the big mistake he had made, an accident that traumatized his emotions so much only the act of writing could help him cope. So whenever he had the free time, he sat at a cheap card table up against a wall in his room, sitting in a used, sort of rusted fold out chair that hurt his butt if he sat in it too long, typing a story that may or may not become a novel on an almost obsolete laptop computer. 
    “How’s the book coming along?” Blair asked from behind Gilbert. “You’ve spent most of the day typing, typing, typing.” 
    “To be honest,” Gilbert began to say, finishing a paragraph, “this could just end up being a short story.” 
    He turned around in the chair to see Blair standing in the doorway to the bedroom, holding a camcorder with both her hands, her eyes on its LCD screen. 
    “How long have you been recording me writing?” Gilbert asked. 
    “For about a minute before I said anything,” Blair replied. 
    “And where’d you get the camera?” he inquired, pointing a finger at it. “You know we’re low on money. I need the internet, and most important of all, healthy food.” 
    “Don’t you worry that imaginative head of yours,” Blair said, stepping into the room, zooming the camera lens closer on Gilbert’s face. “I bought it with my credit card. It was under two hundred bucks.” 
    Gilbert sighed, then said, “Okay, fine, but please hold off on anything else, at least for a few months.” 
    “You got it, hon. So what’s the story you’re working on? What’s it about?” 
    “Well, um,” Gilbert said, rubbing his chin, glancing at the laptop’s screen, “it’s about family heartbreak. Two siblings disown each other.” 
    “So it’s a non-fiction piece,” Blair assumed. 
    “No, it’s fiction.” He scanned through what he had just written. 
    “Seems like you’re hitting close to home though, Mr. Vergo.” 
    “As they say in writing fiction one-oh-one: write what you know,” Gilbert said, shaking his head, almost seeming disappointed. He then looked back up at Blair. He said, “You know, a writer’s process is private. Maybe you should film me while I drink beer, then ask me questions. That would be more interesting.” 
    “No,” Blair said. “It must be in the moment when you’re writing, to capture the things you say in an attempt to get inside your mind. What inspired the story? Who inspired it?” 
    On the card table, beside the laptop, Gilbert’s cellphone vibrated. He picked it up to see who was calling. He then looked directly into the camcorder’s lens. 
    He said, “Speak of the Devil’s bitch mother, it’s my sister. Keep filming. Hopefully it’s a reconciliation moment between us siblings.” He pressed the answer button, then greeted, “Hello, my dear sister, it’s great you’re calling me.” 
    Veronica screamed into Gilbert’s ear, “It’s not fucking great, you dumbshit, it’s complete opposite!” Her words trailed off into sobbing, weeping, and gasping breaths. She was obviously suffering. 
    Gilbert jumped up from the chair, and asked, “What’s wrong, Veronica? What happened?” 
    When Veronica found enough strength to say the words, she said, “They’re dead.” 
    “Who’s dead?” Gilbert asked. 
    For a moment Veronica couldn’t say, she just wept, unable to communicate the tragedy she already knew, finding it hard to accept. 
    “No worries, Veronica,” Gilbert said. “Take your time. Just breathe slowly. I’m not going anywhere. If you want me to, I’ll go right over to-.”
    “Mom and Dad are dead,” Veronica said. “Last night.” She began gasping in horror, almost uncontrollably before continuing. “It was a head-on collision. A fucking meth-head having a psychosis.” 
    For a fleeting moment Gilbert’s body nearly ceased to function: his breathing stopped; his face was unable to form an expression; mouth agape, unable to make words; he could not swallow, nor thing. 
    “What happened, Gilbert?” Blair asked.
    In that moment of paralysis, he did not hear her voice. 
    When the numbness was over, he managed to clear his throat. Half of his family was gone, the ones who held no grudge after he had made that big mistake which tore his sister from him in one big swoop. 
    “Oh, shit,” was all he could say at that point. The pain of what his sister had said made his face wince, closing his eyes, and run his fingers through his hair. There were no tears coming out of his eyes, not yet.
    Eyes still closed, he said, “Okay. I’ll head over to your house right away.” 
    Veronica had seemed to get ahold of herself, her weeping ceased. She said, “No.” 
    “Alright,” Gilbert said, clearing his throat again. “Wherever you’re at I’ll be there soon. It’s good we be toge-.” 
    “I meant no as in I don’t want to see you,” Veronica cut in. “Like at all. Ever. This is merely a curtesy call.” 
    “Wha…What are you talking about?” Gilbert said, confused. 
    Veronica spoke from then on with a slight hint of relief, as if what she was telling her brother was helping her cope with the tragic loss of their parents. 
    Her sobs suddenly gone, she said, “What I’m saying to you is that when this phone conversation is done, you and I are done. I don’t want to hear your voice again, and I don’t want you in my presence again. You are not to attend the funeral. And you will get nothing from the estate. If there’s a will, bequeathing you anything, I’m going to challenge it in court, and you won’t get a fucking thing. Don’t even dare to think you can attempt to fight for any inheritance, because of what you did to Joshua, you will fucking lose, bitch.” 
    Based on what he just listened to, Gilbert’s sibling love was drained from his heart, and his sorrow as well, turning into straight up rage, but he still managed to quell any exertion of it, deciding instead to convince Veronica to come to her senses. 
    “Wait, wait, wait,” he said, nearly fumbling his words. “First off, let us keep what’s in the past in the past. Though what happened to Joshua was partially my fault -.” Gilbert stopped himself, making a correction in an attempt to prevent Veronica from possibly exploding. “Okay, fine, it was all my fault, but it was not a fucking travesty. It was just a sprain.” 
    “You were stoned driving him to the emergency room,” Veronica snapped in his ear. “What if you fell asleep at the wheel?” 
    “I didn’t,” Gilbert informed, desperately wanting to change the conversation to the matter at hand. “Look, our parents are dead. They were taken from us by some asshole tweaker, and I know in your mind you see it comparable to my mistake that led to Joshua’s accident, but I must tell you that your perception is miscued based on your emotional state. Now I’m here for you. We must be together to get through this. We must be there for each other, as a family.” 
    “You must want the goddamn money,” Veronica assumed, scoffing.
    “No, Veronica, you can have it all. I don’t want any of it. I simply want -.”
    Veronica interrupted, saying, “No, no, no, enough with that bullshit. You plan on swooning me with brotherly love, causing me to let you keep your half of the inheritance. Well, it ain’t gonna happen, shithead.” 
    That was it, Gilbert could not take his sister’s verbal abuse any longer. The ticking time bomb inside him was exploded, and the words erupted out of him like a volcano that had been dormant for five hundred thousand years. While he yelled into the phone, he paced throughout the entire apartment. Unbeknownst to him, Blair followed him, the camcorder still recording. 
    “You cold, heartless, soulless, devil’s bitch, money-fucking WHORE!” Gilbert basically screaming at the top of his vocal abilities. “You can take the house, the car, and everything else Mom and Dad possessed, and shove it up your fat, bubbly ass. How fucking dare you do this to me in this time of tragedy. I’ve never done anything bad to you, other than the little, insignificant incident with your child, my nephew. I feel bad about it. But you know what’s worse, you fuck, you’re raising him, and he’ll most likely end up being a fucking prick just like you. Goodbye, and FUCKA’ YOU!”
    Gilbert hung up. If he did not need to be cautious with his expenses, he would have thrown his cellphone at the wall. He stood still, taking a deep breath, then exhaled, growling as the air left his lungs. Blair saw his red face matted with sweat. 
    “Your parents really dead?” she asked. 
    She realized the camera still recording, stopped it, then closed the LSD screen.
    Hearing the clicking sound of the screen closing in place on the camcorder in the moment of silence, Gilbert finally noticed his girlfriend standing there. 
    He asked, “Were you recording the entire time?” 
    “I’m sorry,” Blair said, her head bowing, staring at the camera in her hands, “You said to keep -.” 
    “It doesn’t matter,” Gilbert interrupted, swatting his hand in her direction. “It’s no big deal.” 
    Blair went up to him, eyes immediately welling with tears, about to hug her boyfriend when all of a sudden he put an arm up to prevent her from doing so. 
    “No,” Gilbert said, “not now. That conniving cunt could be lying to me. She’s the type that’d go to any length to completely extricate me from the family. I’ll call my mom.”
    He called his mother’s cellphone. Straight to voice mail. He then called his father. Like with his mother, straight to voice mail. As a final resort, he called their home. Someone answered, an adult male voice. 
    “Hello,” the male voice greeted. 
    “Dad,” Gilbert said, “is that you?” A look of hope, and a thousand answered prayers were upon his face. 
    “No, Gilbert,” the male voice answered. “This is Larry.” 
    Gilbert’s eyes closed as he asked, “Is it true what Veronica said about my parents?” 
    “Yes,” Larry said with a sigh. “I’m sorry. I can not speak with you any further.”
    Blair saw Gilbert bare his teeth like a guard dog about to attack an intruder. 
    “I’d say I’d cut your fucking balls off, but it sounds like my sister already did,” Gilbert said before hanging up. 




“He spent the rest of that day drinking a whole bottle of whiskey by himself,” Blair said to Jerry after the footage of Gilbert yelling at his sister on the phone was over. 
    They were in their bedroom at Frida’s house. Blair sat crosslegged on the bed, staring down at her laptop, the still image of Gilbert when he exhaled the long breath after hanging up the cellphone remained on the LCD screen. Jerry was laying on his stomach next to her, his chin propped on her right thigh. 
    “He sat in his room just mindlessly watching youtube videos,” she continued, “as he drank straight from the bottle. It wasn’t even eight o’clock at night when he passed out, and fell out of the chair.” 
    “Did he go to the funeral?” Jerry asked, looking at the image of Gilbert, thinking of the image capturing the moment of a man right after being mentally pummeled by one’s own family, and there was nothing but despair ahead of him. 
    “No,” Blair said, her eyes lowering from the laptop’s screen. “He did go to the cemetery six months later to visit their gravestones.” 
    “Did you go too?” Jerry pushed himself off his stomach, sitting up on his knees. He began stroking Blair’s back, between the shoulder blades, warming the surface of the dark gray hoodie sweatshirt she was wearing. She seemed not to take notice of his touch. 
    “He wanted to be alone,” she replied. “I went on another day by myself. They were good people. If I had won the Powerball, I would’ve gave them two million dollars. Anyways, after this phone call with his sister, Gilbert basically isolated himself from almost everything and everyone. The person I had fallen in love with was gone. Sometimes for days he wasn’t even at the apartment.” 
    “Wow,” Jerry muttered. 
    “Well, on those days he’d at least show up to work at the bookstore, and I’d go up to him and ask him, ‘Where have you been the last three days? Why haven’t you answered your phone?’ He said he was over his friend Stephen’s condo playing video games, drinking beer, and eating pizza. I said, ‘How about you invite Stephen over to our place?’ Because I had never met this guy Stephen before. Gilbert told me Stephen wasn’t able to, because he had this disorder that kept him from leaving his place. I don’t know what it’s called.” 
    “Agoraphobia,” Jerry told her. 
    “Yeah, okay,” Blair said. “So I suggested I hangout with them at Stephen’s condo, because I just wanted to be around my boyfriend for fuck sake. Gilbert said to me Stephen couldn’t handle people in his home he didn’t really know. I said, ‘Fuck, man, how is he going to get to know me if he won’t hangout with me?’”
    Blair’s hand went to her forehead, almost slapping herself due to the feeling of frustration those memories of that time period brought back to her. 
    “It was the beginning of the end of our relationship,” Blair said, removing her hand from her forehead, then pointing at the laptop’s screen. “Because of what Veronica, his own sister, did to him. It basically sent him on an emotional downward spiral, even effecting me. He became so goddamn detached from me, I just had to get out of there. I couldn’t bare to be alone while he was still in my life. How could that bitch do that to me, to us?” 
    Consoling his girlfriend, Jerry said, “Sudden, horrific tragedy effects each us differently. I don’t think anyone would blame either Veronica, or Gilbert for what happened during that phone call between them.”
    “There are better ways to mourn,” Blair said, shaking her head. “I’m going to delete this footage.” Her hand went to the laptop’s mousepad, moving the cursor to select deleting the file she had kept for nearly a year. A window appeared in the middle of the screen, asking if she was sure she wanted the deletion complete. 
    “Hold on,” Jerry said, removing his hand from Blair’s back. “Talk to Ray about it first. He might want to include it in the documentary.” 
    Blair abruptly craned her neck, staring at Jerry with her brow furrowed. She snapped out, “Why?”
    “Just hear me out,” Jerry began to say, getting off the bed, moving around it to face her. “This footage will inspire sympathy among the audience, gain him more support, no matter the outcome of the trial.” 
    “No, Jerry. What it will inspire in the media is assumptions, fantastical accusations, appalling misjudging of facts that will lead the ‘audience’ into thinking, ‘Yeah, maybe what he’s accused of is true. He knew what Ultra-tripleX was going to do, and let it happen. Hell, Link2Jay, a.k.a. Gilbert Vergo, wanted it to happen, because some tweaker killed his parents, his own sister disowned him after said tragedy, causing within him a hatred that led to the desire for complete strangers to die. He wanted to be the puppet master of the tragedy at Shaker Krista.’ Fuck that bullshit, Jerry. I’m not going to do such a thing to Gilbert. He’s been through enough Hell already.” 
    Clicking the mousepad, Blair deleted the footage, then cleared the laptop’s trash bin file. 
    “And you will not mention to Ray what you just watched,” Blair said, looking up at Jerry right in the eyes, pointing a stiff index finger at his face. “If you do, I’ll smash this laptop into pieces, losing up to - what - half of the documentary’s footage. Do you want to do that to Ray?”  
    “Damn, girl,” Jerry said, putting his hands up, gesturing his submission to Blair’s command, “you got it. My lips are sealed. Backstory footage sucks in a documentary anyways.” 
    

Saturday, March 19, 2016

The Crazy between Us(The unluckiest, lucky hangover)

Federal Bureau of Investigation

Investigation# 140-6698

Subject: Paulo Henders (A.K.A Ultra-tripleX)

During the course of the investigation of the now deceased assailant behind the killings and attempted murders at the ZION FRATERNITY at SHAKER KRISTA in SAN LUIS OBISPO COUNTY in the state of CA, Federal Agents have interviewed the assailant's two sisters, his neighbors, one of his only close friends, boss and some coworkers at the SLO(SAN LUIS OBISPO) disposal service.

He lived in a house he had inherited from his parents. His mother died of cancer in 2005. His father currently resides at the MONTECITO OAKMONT NURSING HOME suffering from Alzheimer’s disease.
His sister, Lisa Zing, who lives in MESA, AZ, says she had not made contact with her brother since their mother died. What she had to say about her brother’s type of character was: “nothing more than a misanthropic, shit-head of a bastard. And you can quote me on that.” She went on to say that her brother didn’t deserve the house.

Assailant’s other sister Gabrielle Henders who lives in the city of SAN FRANCISCO CA, said this about her brother Paulo: “Yes, it was true he was harsh with his words when he’d talk to us during a family squabble, but he never did anything wrong to anyone else before that I know of. He never got physical. He’d never threaten us. He seemed so compassionate, as if he were trying to help in his own irregular way. I loved him very much. He was my brother after all.”

His neighbors, most of which knew him since he was born, said during his adult life they only saw him outside the house when he’d wash his car, mow the lawn e.t.c. He would never have a lot of people over. The neighbor across the street stated he once saw a lady drop him off at the house. The neighbor assumed it may have been a date due to the fact both were in formal dress attire. The only person who would frequently visit the residence since he started living alone in the house was his close friend.

His best friend, a man named Terry Sanchez, who Paulo had been friends with since childhood, was asked if there was any hint that Paulo Henders would commit such a horrific crime. He said: “No.” He went on to say that he never knew Paulo had weapons of any kind. He said: “I never knew he was into guns. I’ve known him almost twenty-two years, and not once did he tell me about owning guns. Ever.” Mr. Sanchez did go on to say that over the past two years Paulo seemed to be going through a “slight bout” of depression. He started smoking cigarettes, and drinking more than he usually did.

His boss and coworkers were interviewed with their consensus of opinion regarding Paulo Henders as being one of the best employees. He always showed up on time and only had sick days when he was actually sick. He was quiet and would mostly keep to himself. Charles, a coworker whom Paulo would sometimes have lunch with, swore he had only seen Paulo smile five times since knowing him.

Transcripts of all interviews are provided within this report on the following pages. 



Not knowing whether it was the splitting headache, or if it was the sound of the shades being drawn, letting in the sunshine that woke him, Gilbert became conscious with the feeling of regret. Regret of causing his mind wrenching hangover, and regret of being a part of some shitty documentary.
    “Need more sleep,” he mumbled.
    “You got enough sleep,” Blair said. “You passed out before ten last night. It’s eight in the morning.” She smacked his butt through the quilt. “Come on. Get your ass up.”
    “I can’t take anymore physical abuse from you,” Gilbert said as he slowly moved to sit up. “Do I have to get up now? I don’t have to go to court today. And why am I naked?”
    “I undressed you, and tucked you in,” Blair answered.
    “You didn’t take advantage of me, did you? That would be rape, you know.”
    “I didn’t rape you, idiot. Now, take a shower, and get dressed. I’m going to have to start documenting once you’re ready.”
    Gilbert stood up, stretching.
    Blair commented, “You make being hungover look sexy.”
    “Kiss my bony ass,” he retorted.
    “That footage of you being escorted to the police cruiser is on youtube, and…,” she began giggling, “the comments from the women who like you say you look like a superhero with that tattoo on your chest. Others say you look like a villain.”
    “I’m getting it removed as soon as this circus is over.” He turned away, walking to the bathroom.
    “Don’t do that,” she said, laughing. “It’s a signature look for you.”
    Gilbert slammed the bathroom door shut behind him.
    “You’re getting as looney as the rest of them, Blair,” he said from inside the bathroom.
    After his shower, Gilbert sat on the bed fully dressed in the same cloths as he wore the day before, putting on his shoes. Blair stood before him recording the scene with the digital camcorder, handling it like a professional, always looking at it’s LCD screen.
    “How are you?” she asked.
    Gilbert looked up at her, his gaze on her face. He said, “Hungover.”
    Blair pointed at the camera lens, mouthing the words: “Look into camera.”
    “Oh, yeah,” he said, then looked into the lens, and slowly repeated, “Hungover.”
    “I meant how do you feel, Mr. Vergo.”
    “Please, call me Gilbert. I’m not a teacher. I feel like shit.”
    “Do you feel any anxiety about what could happen to you?”
    Gilbert’s gaze went from the camera’s lens to Blair’s face, then to the window, looking at the clouds in the sky.
    “If one were in a situation where other people can control your fate,” Gilbert began to say, “it’s as if even being free from behind bars, the world is still a prison.”
    “There’s a chance you might have to go behind bars again soon,” Blair informed.
    Head flicking back to face Blair again, Gilbert stared up at her with a furrowed brow.
    “What do you mean?” he inquired. “Is that a joke? I thought we were being serious.”
    “After the footage of you tripping outside ended up on the major news networks, the judge wanted you re-incarcerated.”
    “But I’m out on bail. I didn’t commit a new crime anyway.”
    “He has the power to revoke your bail, Gilbert, if he so pleases.”
    “God-fucking-dammit!” he yelled, shooting to his feet, hands going to his forehead, and covering his eyes. He walked a few steps across the room. Blair followed him with the camera held higher.
    “Allen was on the phone this morning with the judge,” Blair said.
    Turning around back to the camera, dropping his hands from over his face, Gilbert asked, “And what the judge say? Do I have to wear orange again?”
    “Allen’s gonna have breakfast with you at the diner down the street. He’ll let you know what the judge’s decision is.”
    “I know that DA is going to work his ass off getting my ass back in that jail,” Gilbert said into the camera. “That mindless, soulless prick accused me of being an alcoholic. And you know what, I’m going to figure a way to make that blond yuppie look stupid. So fucking stupid he’ll rue the day he ever took on this case.” He exerted a loud exhale, and shook his hands up and down. “Calm down, Gilbert.” He looked back at Blair. “What time’s the breakfast meeting happening?”
    “He’ll send a text to all of us when he’s ready,” Blair answered.
    “Fuck, I don’t want to be back in jail. Such bullshit.”
    Blair turned off the camcorder.
    “Is that it?” Gilbert asked.
    “For now,” she said. “Once Allen sends the text, I’ll start filming again, all the way to the diner. If the diner gives us permission, then Jerry and I will film what you and Allen talk about.”
    “I’m not sitting next to Jerry, by the way,” Gilbert said, putting his hands on his hips.
    “Then he’ll be filming the shot of you during the breakfast.”
    “I don’t mind that.” He shook his head so fast it looked like it was vibrating.
    “And please,” Blair said, almost pleading, “don’t make a scene. Just talk to Allen about the case.”
    “Fine,” he said, rubbing his chin. “Don’t you worry. I won’t cause any kind of drama.”
    “Thank you.”
    Within a half-hour all five of them were sitting at a round booth in the corner of the diner. They had the permission to film the breakfast as long as they did not record any of the patrons or the employees, or say the name of the diner. As long as those conditions were followed during their time there, they could record what Allen and Gilbert talked about. Blair was at one end of the seat next to Gilbert with her camera on Allen. Jerry sat at the other end across from Blair with his camera shooting Gilbert. Allen and Gilbert faced each other across the table as they talked. Ray was in the middle nearest to the window, taking notes, and recording additional footage of the scene with his smartphone. They all had already ordered their meals.
    Allen held up his thumb and forefinger close together as he said to Gilbert, “You were this close, Gilbert. This close to having the police come to your hotel room and haling you back to the jail.”
    For a moment Gilbert looked guilty.
    “I understand what I did was a mistake,” he said. “And I know how lucky I am to have you for a lawyer, such an excellent lawyer, and keep me from being put back behind bars. But you must understand this is a very stressful time for me. I’ve never experienced this kind of hardship before.” Gilbert gave Jerry’s camera an annoyed look.
    Jerry reacted by almost clearing his throat when he did not need to, but kept himself from doing so to keep with the subterfuge.
    “Look, I know this bullshit case has gotten to you like a horse kicking you in the nuts,” Allen said, “but I need you to hold yourself together.” He slammed a fist into the palm of his hand. “Keep your nerves hard and sharp. Be prepared for any and all obstacles coming your way. They’re gunning to make an example of you. Do you get what I’m telling you?”
    “Yes,” Gilbert answered. “Affirmative.”
    “Now, I convinced the judge not to put you back in jail under one condition, whether you like it or not.”
    “Okay. What’s the condition?”
    “You’ll have to be under house arrest during the trial.” Allen said this looking perturbed at delivering the bad news.
    “That’s not so bad,” Gilbert said. “At least I don’t have to wear cuffs again.”
    “So you’re not mad?” Allen asked.
    “No. I’m a little of a recluse anyway. But where would I stay for the house arrest?”
    “You’re in luck. I just so happen to know someone who lives here. A lady I went to law school with.”
    “I don’t want to impose on anyone’s family life,” Gilbert said.
    The waitress arrived with their food.
    “Thank you, ma’am,” Gilbert said to her.
    The waitress ignored him as she distributed everyone’s meal.
    When she was gone, Gilbert said, “Not one of my supporters.”
    “But Frida is,” Allen said, commencing to eat. “She’s a free spirited feminist type. She has no family living with her, and is only married to her career. And has a house so big, you could consider it a mansion.”
    “How long do you expect this trial to last?” Gilbert asked while cutting himself a piece of pancake.
    “If all goes well, a couple of months maybe,” Allen said, scarfing down hash browns.
    “Shit, man, I got rent to pay.” Gilbert’s head went back. “Damn, the door. I got to call my landlord Lance. Hopefully he isn’t too pissed about the SWAT team busting my front door. And I got to call my boss. I can’t believe I forgot to call them. I’m probably evicted, and lost my job.” He shook his head. “Oh well, at least these pancakes are good.”
    “That’s the spirit, Gilbert,” Allen said. “Look to the good things you have at the moment. Seriously, when you see Frida’s place, you’re going to never want to leave California.”
    Later that afternoon, wearing the cheesy suit, Gilbert, along with Allen, and the DA Stanley Fenway, sat before the judge as he gave him a lecture about responsibility.
    “Mr. Vergo, you must understand that the fool you made of yourself on the footage now playing on the television not only displays a total disregard of respect for the justice system, but seems to me you lack empathy, or even sympathy for the victims of the Shaker Krista shootings. A man in your position shouldn’t be getting drunk and stumbling in public like Lindsey Lohan.” The judge shook his head as if he were a disappointed father. “Why did you do such a thing?”
    “Your honor, my client -,” Allen began to say before the judge cut him off.
    “I’d like Mr. Vergo to speak for himself on this matter. Please, Mr. Vergo, just between you and me.”
    Gilbert adjusted himself in his seat, a little more than embarrassed about what the truth was, being that it was very personal, having nothing to do with the actual case.
    “Well, sir,” Gilbert said, “part of the reason I got a little carried away at the bar was due to the stress over the charges against me, but honestly I wouldn’t have had more than three drinks if during my time there I didn’t learn something that you could say triggered me into drinking four or five more. I apologize, your honor.”
    “What was it that triggered you into getting drunk?” The judge didn’t want to let it go; he wanted a damn good reason to keep himself from changing his mind about the whole house arrest thing, and shove Gilbert back in that cell.
    “It was something personal, your honor, that had nothing to do with the case. Just something that put more weight on my shoulders, so to speak.”
    “Strike this from the record, please,” the judge said, staring down at the stenographer. “Stop typing, Mrs. Vela.”
    The stenographer, a middle-aged woman, stopped typing into the stenotype, and put her hands to her side.
    The judge gestured to Gilbert, “Tell me of the weight added onto your shoulders that made you ignore, shall I say, the ethics of how to behave as a person suspected of being an accessory to a mass murder.”
    “Um,” Gilbert said, so very uncomfortable, “the man you saw in the footage with me, the one trying to help me up after I tripped on my bum, had informed me during my first drink that he was having an intimate relationship with my…” Gilbert cleared his throat. “…well, who I thought was my girlfriend, because I hoped we had just reconciled, but it turns out she’s now my ex-girlfriend now. And I had hint of a feeling she was cheating on me with him before she up and moved out of the apartment a few weeks prior to me being arrested. He was buying me drinks, and I made him buy me more after he admitted of the relationship with her. It felt like it was the only way to get back at him. At the time anyways.”
    Stanley Fenway held his fist over his mouth, holding back laughter as best he could.
    “You have anything to say, Mr. Fenway?” the judge asked.
    Clearing his throat, holding back a smile, Fenway said, “No, your honor. Sorry.”
    “Mr. Vergo, I could understand. But next time you want to get back at someone by somehow legitimately draining their wallet, don’t harm yourself in the process. You’re not an alcoholic like Mr. Fenway insinuated the other day, are you?”
    “No, sir,” Gilbert said, shaking his head. “I’m more of a moderate drinker.”
    The judge looked down at Mrs. Vela, and said, “Recommence for the record, please. I’m going to have Mr. Vergo be put under house arrest for the remainder of his trial. Is there a residence he can do this at?”
    Allen stood up, and said, “Yes, your honor, there is a former colleague of mine who has a home here in San Luis Obispo where my client can serve his house arrest.”
    “Who’s your former colleague?”
    “A Ms. Frida Lopez. I have her address right here, written on the -.”
    The judge interrupted by making a sort of side note, “I know her address. She is willing to have Mr. Vergo stay at her home? She won’t mind the media parked at the curb outside?”
    “From what she said in our last conversation, it seems she’d like the attention,” Allen said. “For her own law practice, that is. She said if she had the time, she may act as counsel for the defense.”
    “Yep, that sounds like Frida,” the judge commented.
    In the minivan on the way back to the hotel, Blair sat in the middle seats beside Gilbert with her camcorder directly on him. Jerry was in the back seat filming as well, with his angle more on Allen in the front passenger seat.
    “I can’t believe that guy compared me to Lindsey Lohan,” Gilbert said. “As if I were in someway a quasi-celebrity. Isn’t Lohan clean now? Well, if you call popping legal prescription pills clean, that is. But at least she’s not snorting that cocaine, and being carried out the front door of Club Night Static.”
    “Gilbert, I’d just like to say what a good excuse you had for the judge in there,” Allen said. “You welded shut that cell door with that anecdote you told the judge. How did you come up with that? You got to be one creative writer.” He began to clap and laugh.
    “Too bad it’s true,” Gilbert said.
    “What?” Allen said, his happy face flushed away, and hands up in mid-clap.
    “What did you say to the judge?” Blair asked.
    Looking into the camera’s lens, Gilbert said, “The truth of course. As they say the truth shall set you free. In my case, not back in that jail cell.”
    “Oh, shit,” Jerry uttered.
    Allen turned in his seat, pointing a finger at the cameramen, and said, “Jerry, Blair, later we need to have a talk in private.”
    “Leave them alone, Allen,” Gilbert said. “Don’t let behind the scenes drama kill it for the documentary. It’s all right. I’m starting to let it go.”
    “It might make a good addition to the film,” Ray said. “Add like an internal controversy kind of angle during the trial.”
    “Ray, please don’t say the word ‘controversy’ again,” Allen said.
    “Ray is probably right,” Gilbert said. “I think we should put it to a vote. Anyone who thinks the fact Blair is fucking Jerry should be included in the documentary raise their hand.”
    Ray and Gilbert were the only ones who voted ‘yes.’ Allen put both his hands over his face.
    He said, “If what you said gets out to the media, they’re going to have -.”
    “A fucking field day,” Gilbert finished for him. “They got more bullshit to talk about. Ratings go up for them. Publishers sell more magazines. They make money, you guys make money. Remember when you told me this trial is bigger than the OJ Simpson case?”
    “Yes,” Allen said, removing his hands from his face, befuddled.
    “In that famous trial everyone made money. I mean everyone. Even a fucking guy walking his dog a block away from the Simpson house wrote a book about how he supposedly saw the white bronco drive down the road. The only person who lost money was OJ himself. I don’t see myself coming out of this situation with a penny in my pocket when I’m found not guilty. So, please, Allen, don’t take the things I say so seriously. I’m fucking with you about putting the fact Blair is fucking Jerry into the documentary. Ray, on the other hand, was being serious. But that’s okay with me.”
    Gilbert reached into his jacket pocket and took out his cellphone.
    “If you excuse me,” he said, “I have to call my landlord to see if I still have my apartment, then my boss to see if I still got a job when I get back to Eugene.”
    “I already called them,” Blair said.
    “You did?” Gilbert said, surprised. “Really?”
    “Lance said after the cops and feds got what they wanted, he got the door fixed. For now you’re not evicted. He said he’d be coming down here to go on the witness stand in support of you. Lewis said you still have your job when you get back, and he’ll be coming here too. They like you, Gilbert, remember?”
    “Yeah, I know.” He was silent for a moment, looking at Blair. “Thank you. Did you call my sister, by any chance?”
    Blair’s eyes finally left the LCD screen and looked at Gilbert.
    “She didn’t answer,” Blair said.
    “No surprise there,” Gilbert muttered.
    “Gilbert, my goal with your case is not to make money,” Allen said, “it’s to get you out of being the scapegoat of a horrific crime you literally took no part of. Even with the Patriot Act to justify their actions, what the FBI did to you was illegal, and I’m sure it won’t be hard to think otherwise once I get my hands on their supposed evidence against you. But if you want, when this is over, you can countersue for wrongful prosecution. Get yourself a nice hefty sum for defamation of character as well.”
    “I don’t know about that, Allen. Maybe. I just want out of this shit storm as soon as possible, and back home to my comfortable life.” Gilbert sighed, seeming to almost want to fall asleep right then and there.
    Allen went back to the current situation.
    He said, “Okay. What’s going to happen next is we’re checking out of the hotel, then head right over to Frida’s house. She’s waiting there right now. We’ll be met there by Detectives who will place an ankle bracelet on you. By the way, Frida has a well stocked bar. Will you be drinking?”
    “When I do, I won’t go over the limit, Dad,” Gilbert said, leaning close behind Allen’s seat. He then looked into Blair’s camera, gave a wink, then brandished crossed fingers.
    “Maybe you shouldn’t drink at all, Gilbert,” Allen said.
    “Okay, I won’t drink the night before I go to court, before an interview I do for TV - if I decide to do one - while we have meetings about the case, or when I talk to the LOL cameras.” With the last statement, Gilbert winked at Blair’s camera again.
    “Half that’s bullshit,” Allen said. “I know lies. I’m a lawyer. Night before you go to court, our meetings so your mind can absorb and prepare sufficiently, and if you decide, not before interviews, don’t drink. That’s all I ask. And when you’re drunk being filmed by the LOL crew, please don’t do stupid shit, and don’t make yourself look like a Lindsey Lohan.”
    “Again with the Lohan reference,” Gilbert said, shaking his head. “She’s got such a bad rep. I had a crush on her when I was a kid, you know, before the cocaine made her a skeleton.”
    About an hour before sunset, the minivan pooled up to a gate outside Frida Lopez’s property located in an upperclass neighborhood. The house was a red brick, two story luxury home on a five acre property.
    “Holy shit,” Gilbert said, flabbergasted. “You can’t be serious. I have to do house arrest in that house?”
    “Yeah,” Allen said. “Told you it was almost like a mansion. Press the call button, Ray.”
    Ray reached out of the minivan and pressed a button on an intercom sticking out of bushes outside the gate.
    “Hello, can I help you?” said a woman’s voice on the speaker.
    “Allen Johnson with four others here to see Ms. Lopez,” Allen announced. “She’s expecting us.”
    “Good to hear from you again, Mr. Johnson. Please, come right in.”
    “Thank you, Stacy.”
    The gate opened, and Ray drove the minivan up the long driveway to the house.
    “Frida’s got to be one successful lawyer,” Gilbert said. “Is Bill Gates one of her clients?”
    “She owns a law firm with over two hundred people working for her,” Allen said.
    “You and Frida have a thing going? You know, just between you two?”
    “That would be none of your business if there was.”
    “I’ll take that as a ‘yes.’ But don’t worry, I won’t talk about such a thing again.”
    Ray muttered, “We can get an Oscar nomination for this kind of drama.”
    “Ray, please,” Allen said.
    “Sorry, Allen.”
    The minivan parked near the front door where a butler and maid, both in their early thirties it seemed, were waiting for them on the front steps, waving at them with polite welcoming. They then ascended the steps as everyone got out of the minivan.
    “Please, allow us to bring your things into the house,” the butler said with an english accent.
    “Thank you, Ren,” Allen said. He turned to an astonished Gilbert. “Let’s go inside and meet with Frida. She’ll be happy to see you.”
    “That seems rather strange,” Gilbert said, staring up at the house, “I’ve never even met her, and she’s looking forward to meeting with me. If I wrote a best selling novel, it would make sense.”
    “She’s sympathetic to what you’re going through. Now, come on, go inside with me.”
    They ascended the front steps. Blair and Jerry were behind them, recording with their cameras.
    Ray came close behind Jerry, touched him on the shoulder, and said quietly to him, “After they enter, you flank right, get them in profile when they talk to Frida.” He then went close to Blair. “You get a little behind Frida, get a good two person shot of Allen and Gilbert. Try to keep Jerry out of shot as best you can. Go now, they just passed the threshold.”
    Entering the foyer, Allen and Gilbert saw Frida waiting for them in the middle of the room, her hands held together and close to her chin. Frida Lopez was a beautiful woman in her mid-fifties, but looked like she was about to enter her early forties by the end of the year. She wore a tight pink tank top with a picture of a cartoon cat on the front of it, tight pair of black jeans of which the cuffs stopped at the halfway point of her shins, and a pair of sketchers. And though she had a latino name, she was as blue eyed and blond as any Swedish woman could be. Gilbert didn’t know what to make of the sight of her. He didn’t expect her to dress like a millennial.
    “If it isn’t my cowboy from Texas,” she said. “How are you doing, Allen?”
    “I’m doing good, Frida,” Allen said, smiling. “It’s been a while.”
    “Yeah, almost a year, Allen.” Frida placed her hands on her hips. “Don’t make the time we don’t see each other so long again, Mr. Johnson. I know you’re out there in Texas busy righting the wrongs of the justice system, but please, do find the time to see me. I may have to go to Austin, and get you myself.”
    As if he totally forgot who was beside him, Allen caught the eye of Gilbert staring at him, and seemed to come back to professional fortitude.
    “Oh, Frida, this is Gilbert,” he said, gesturing to his client. “Gilbert Vergo, Frida Lopez. One of the finest, and most successful lawyers I’ve ever known.”
    “Pleased to meet you, Ms. Lopez,” Gilbert said.
    “The feelings mutual, Gilbert,” Frida said, holding out her hand. “Please do call me Frida.”
    Shaking her hand, he said, “Yes, Frida. Thank you for letting me stay in your lovely home. I hope I’m not intruding in any way.”
    “No, no. I’m happy to help you in your most dire circumstance.”
    “Frida, detectives are coming in a few minutes to place an ankle bracelet on Gilbert here,” Allen informed.
    “Yes, of course,” Frida said, looking over Gilbert. “Allen, did you pick out that dreadful suit for Gilbert here?”
    “Yes. Why?” Allen looked at Gilbert’s suit. “It’s a style I thought was appropriate.”
    “He looks like a door to door Bible salesman. Shame on you.” Frida moved closer to Gilbert, feeling the material of the jacket and the tie with her hands. “It’s so tacky.”
    “It’s part of my strategy to make him appear more like a layman. One who wouldn’t have a clue about -.”
    “You’re making him look like a simpleton,” Frida interrupted. “He can’t look like a fool in front of the jury, or the media, for that matter.”
    “Even though I’m not a fan of wearing suits, I have to say I concur with her assessment,” Gilbert put in.
    “You see, Allen, that doesn’t sound like a simpleton.” She lightly rubbed Gilbert’s cheek. “Don’t worry, honey, I’ve got better quality men’s wear upstairs. After the authorities put the monitor on your ankle and give you the speech of how it works, I’ll take you up to the closet, and browse for something that fits.” She looked over at Allen. “And is appropriate enough to your counsel’s standards.”
    Two detectives arrived at Frida’s home. Both were woman. One a redhead, the other a blond. They were both exceedingly attractive ladies in their mid-thirties. Gilbert had a moment of ‘love at first sight,’ and tried his best to hide it.  
    Gilbert sat on a couch in the living room while one of them secured the monitor on his ankle.
    “Not too tight, is it?” said the redhead lady detective.
    “No, ma’am,” Gilbert replied. “It’s comfortable.”
    Standing up, the detective said, “Now, my partner is outside placing sensors at the four corners of the property, making an invisible wall all around. If you cross the wall at anytime during your house arrest, a police cruiser will be called to come here and bring you back to jail. If you are not here, you will be considered on the run, and a warrant will be issued for your arrest. The ankle bracelet can be tracked by GPS, so it will be easy to find you. The only time you are allowed to leave this property is the day you go to court. Don’t try to be smart by cutting it off. It can tell us if the strap is severed. Those are the conditions. No if, ands, or buts.”
    The blond detective came in from outside.
    “All the sensors are up and operating,” she said.
    “Do you have any questions, Mr. Vergo?” the redhead asked.
    “No, officer,” Gilbert replied, grinning. “I’m good. Got it. Do not leave the property at anytime, unless I am going to court.”
    A moment of silence as the redhead looked down at Gilbert.
    “Nice suit,” she said with a hint of sarcasm.
    “I don’t like it either,” Gilbert agreed.
    “Again with the suit,” Allen murmured.
    The redhead looked up at Allen, and said, “Okay, Mr. Johnson, we’re done here.”
    “Thank you, officers,” Allen said.
    As they were leaving, Gilbert lifted his left leg, looking at the ankle bracelet. Blair and Jerry came close to him as they filmed.
    “Never thought in my life I’d wear this fucking thing,” Gilbert said aloud. He then looked up into both cameras shaking his head. “Never in my life.” He gave out a sigh. “I need a drink.”
    “What would you like?” Frida asked from behind him.
    Gilbert half turned on the couch to see her, pondering the choices of drinks available to him in such an affluent residence.
    He said, “You know, I’ve never had a martini before.”
    “Stacy,” Frida called out toward the kitchen.
    Stacy - the maid - came into the room, holding her hands together. She said, “Yes, Frida.”
    “Fix everyone a martini, please.”
    “What’s this about martinis?” Allen inquired, walking back into the living room. “What did I say about the drinking, Gilbert?”
    “Hey, man,” Gilbert said, pointing a finger at Allen, “I said I would no longer be drunk in public, and not be hungover in court. Well, I can’t go out in public at the moment. And my first day in court isn’t until, like, when?”
    “A week from today.” Allen had his hands on his hips, rolling his eyes.
    “Okay, so I got sometime to relax. Everyone here does. Ray, Jerry, Blair, and you, Allen, just have a martini with me.” He looked at Frida. “You too. If you don’t mind?”
    “I don’t mind at all, Gilbert,” Frida responded. “Of course I’ll drink.”
    “But, Gilbert, I need you headstrong when we go over the evidence against you after I get it from the DA,” Allen said.
    “We’re not having that meeting now,” Gilbert snapped. “So, please, as my lawyer, and hopefully friend for the rest both our lives, sit down and chill. We’ll make a toast to the case, or to the liberties of the american citizen, or whatever.”
    All eyes were on Allen.
    “Okay, fine,” he said, his hands going up. “Lets all have a martini.” He pointed at Jerry and Blair with both hands, and said, “Stop filming.”
    “No,” Gilbert said. “They’re going to document everything, except when I use the bathroom.”
    They all spent the rest of the day drinking. All but Gilbert took it easy. He just needed the escape for the time being, asking Frida if she had a stereo system to play music. She said she’d allow it if it wasn’t any kind of loud, heavy metal. He was too drunk to care what genre of music she had in her library, as long as he could dance to it.
    Later they ate dinner in the dining that Stacey and Ren prepared. Blair and Jerry took a break from filming. Classical music was playing on the stereo. A most relaxing and uplifting atmosphere that had Gilbert in a good mood.
    “I must be the most unluckiest, lucky guy right now in the world,” Gilbert said. “I’m serving a house arrest in one of the biggest, most beautiful homes I’ve ever been in, and eating the best, and finest meal I’ve ever had for dinner. Thank you so much, Ms. Lopez. I needed this. I’m eternally grateful.”
    “You’re welcome, Gilbert,” Frida said. “Please, call me Frida. I don’t like feeling so old.”
    “Sorry, I forgot, Frida. You don’t look old at all, anyways.”
    Ren brought Gilbert a fresh martini.
    “Thank you, Ren,” he said. “That will be my last one for the evening.”
    “Thank God,” uttered rubbing his forehead.
    “Don’t be so stressed, Allen,” Gilbert said, rubbing his lawyer’s shoulder. “I’m in control, man. Everything’s together up in here.” He tapped the side of his head. “Why aren’t you guys documenting?” He asked Blair and Jerry.
    “That’s enough for today,” Ray told him. “We’ll start fresh when you wake up tomorrow. Footage of you dancing and ranting is simply filler we may not use.”
    “Okay, cool,” Gilbert said. “So, you’re the director of the documentary, right, Ray?”
    “Yeah, basically. If there’s something happening I think should be shot in a specific way, I’ll tell Blair and Jerry where to film from.”
    “You got a journalism degree?”
    “Yes,” Ray said, “I went to UC Berkeley school of Journalism.”
    “That’s great, man. Hey, can I make a suggestion, if it’s not too much trouble?”
    “Sure, input from the subject is welcomed,” Ray said.
    “I can do like a video diary you could include into the documentary with a handy-cam I could film myself when I’m alone. What do you think?”
    “Sounds like a great idea. I have a handy-cam in my luggage. I was gonna use it as back up in case one of the cameras stopped working.”
    “Gilbert, just don’t take it with you to court,” Allen said.
    “It’ll only be for here,” Gilbert said. “It would look weird if I got out of the minivan in front of the media with my own camera. I could just see the headlines now. ‘Gilbert Vergo documenting his own trial. What is he doing it for? His own youtube channel?’ I don’t even have one. They’d look for it as soon as someone makes that assumption.”
    “So you never uploaded videos yourself?” Allen asked.
    “No. My youtube account doesn’t even have my name on it. It’s a troll account. I even have a second e-mail for it.”
    “Do you have your name on the e-mail account?”
    “No, a fake name.”
    Allen was quiet for a moment, thinking, then said, “So the FBI only tracked you down by your IP address, not anything else.”
    “Yeah,” Gilbert said. “I figured that too. What’s on your mind, Allen? You think it means something. You told me yourself they can use the Patriot Act against me.”
    “I’ll just take note of it,” Allen said, taking out his phone. “Put it right in the ‘notes’ app.”
    The night had whined down with everyone going to their bedrooms with the exception of Gilbert and Frida. Ray had given Gilbert the handy-cam camcorder before he had went upstairs. Gilbert sat with Frida at the dining table testing out his new toy by filming the room and the table deserted of all the empty plates, with the exception of two martinis he and Frida had yet to finish.
    “Is it cool you’re on camera?” Gilbert asked.
    “It’s okay,” Frida said, “I give you my permission.”
    He pointed the camera in her direction.
    “This is Frida Lopez who was kind enough to allow me to serve my house arrest in her wonderful, luxurious, and beautiful home,” he said. “Give the camera a wave, please.”
    Frida waved at the camera with glee and giggles, saying, “Hello, there.”
    “Alright, there you have it for now,” Gilbert said, then turned off the camera. “This should be fun to do. Need something to occupy my mind during this bullshit trial.”
    Ren came into the room from the kitchen.
    “Will there be anything else, Frida?” he asked, almost bowing.
    “No, Ren,” Frida said. “That’ll be all for today. You and Stacey can go. Take the day off tomorrow, the both of you. Come back after the weekend when I’m gone.”
    “Thank you, Frida. And it’s a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Vergo.”
    “The feeling’s mutual, Ren. Please, do call me Gilbert. And thank you.”
    Ren gave him a nod, then quietly made his exit.
    “So you’re going out of town on business?” Gilbert asked Frida.
    “Not really for business,” she said, “I have people to run my business. I’m just going on a trip. For fun.”
    “You have a great life.” Gilbert started drinking the rest of his martini.
    “Yes, thank you,” Frida said, drinking her martini and looking at Gilbert with a seductive smirk on her face. “Speaking of fun, I got a nice game room with a pool table. Want to play a game? After, I’ll pick out a better suit for you to wear in court from the selection I have in the upstairs dressing room.”
    “Sounds cool,” Gilbert said, placing the empty martini glass on the dining table.
    Leading him down a hallway to the game room, he couldn’t help but stare at Frida’s fine ass. There was a moment when Frida turned her head to look at him, catching his gaze, seeing where it was pointed at. Gilbert noticed and flicked his gaze forward down the hall, clearing his throat a bit too much, making the embarrassment of being caught more obvious. Frida turned her head back forward, smirking with pleasure.
    “Frida, if you don’t mind me saying, but you’re pretty white for a Latina,” Gilbert said. “Are you all Spanish descent?”
    “No. I’m actually of Swedish descent,” Frida said. “I was adopted.”
    At the bar in the game room they each downed a double-shot of tequila before even racking the balls on the pool table.
    “Does that old jukebox work?” Gilbert asked, pointing to it at the side of the room.
    “Yes, works just fine,” Frida said, moving over to it. “It’s stocked full of the best oldie pop songs. Still plays the records good.”
    Gilbert moved over to it, pushed the button to browse through the song list, and said, “This is so cool.” He then chose a song.
    “Paul Anka,” Frida said. “Good choice.”
    While they played pool, Gilbert turned on his camcorder and started filming. At one point the song Be my Baby by The Ronettes played on the jukebox, and Gilbert got excited.
    “Frida, film me please,” he asked.
    She held the camera as it recorded Gilbert dance to the song. He held the pool stick in a very sexually suggestive manner as if it were his penis, then lifted it and held it in his arms, pretending it was a gun, and pointed the end of it right into the lens of the camera.
    The image made the inebriated Frida Lopez extremely horny. She turned off the camera, put it on the bar countertop, and made a beeline for Gilbert. He dropped the pool stick on the ground as Frida wrapped her arms around him and kissed him, basically forcing her tongue in his mouth.
    For a moment, Gilbert pushed her away a little.
    He said, “Frida, I know we only just met. I don’t want you to think I’m taking advantage of you. You are a beautiful women. Headstrong, successful, and-.”
    “Shut up, and kiss me, you gentleman,” she demanded. “Fuck me right here on the table.”
    “I don’t have a condom,” Gilbert said.
    “I got condoms in every room,” Frida informed as if it were obvious that he should have known.
    She went behind the bar, opened a drawer, and took out a ‘Her Pleasure’ condom.
    After they were done with their party in the game room, Frida showed Gilbert to his room.
    “My room is at the end of the hall, a few feet from yours,” she said as they entered his room. “There’s a dressing room in here with the suits I told you about. I got the perfect one for you. Hopefully it’s your size.”
    They went into the dressing room with two racks full of almost new suits.
    “Why you have so many suits?” Gilbert asked.
    “Some men leave them here after they spend the night with me,” Frida said, looking for the suit she had in mind. “Or if they’re not prepared for whatever they do for a living, I have Ren buy new ones as back up for my boy toys.” She reached up and got a suit off the rack. “Here we go. A charcoal, stripe, vested suite.” She showed it to Gilbert.
    “Wow,” he said, “Dashing.”
    She held it up against Gilbert, and said, “Looks like it’ll fit just fine. Let’s make sure. Take off that salesman suit, fuck me one more time, then try it on.”