3 finger bullet

I was a passivist with 192 confirmed kills in the war
and all the friends I made during it were dead
each died before my eyes

They came home in body bags
while I came home with medals

Three days after coming home I bought a bottle of Wild Turkey
drank three fingers
put a bullet in a revolver my father gave me when I came home
spun the cylinder
pressed the barrel to my right temple
pulled the trigger

Click

Drank another three fingers of Wild Turkey
put another bullet in the cylinder
spun it
pressed the barrel to my right temple again

Click

Drank three more fingers of Wild Turkey
put a third bullet in the cylinder
spun it
pressed the barrel to my right temple

I didn't hear a thing

I woke up six months later in a hospital
hearing the beeps of my heart monitor
and the sound of my breathing

Haven't touched alcohol
nor a bullet or a gun since waking up.